Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
