remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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