I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
