he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
