Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
