Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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