I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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