i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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