Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's the barista slut.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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