New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
