if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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