hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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