hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize