I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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