Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
