I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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