Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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