she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
