Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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