Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
