yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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