Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just threw up on my dentist
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
