Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
