Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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