We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
