home. puking in laundry basket.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
