I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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