I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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