I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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