Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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