I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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