Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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