You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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