I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
