My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize