Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
this is an emotional support booty call
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
