my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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