final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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