when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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