Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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