Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need moral support for this bender
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
