For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
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Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses