For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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