Is that why you're texting me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.