dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.