So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher