I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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