Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
