wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
