You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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