You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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