Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
