I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
