I have demons in me.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize