the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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