my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
