hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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