she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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