just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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