my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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